2011年12月6日星期二

Challenge from GOD :'( its tough

Day 4 for argue, non-stop, no skip for one day. everyday also argue. also because of small matter, maybe for me is small matter, for him maybe is not, maybe i not understand his feeling as well, but i do my best to avoid this happen, but fail T.T
because of aunt, we argue. because of friends, we argue. what is the problem now? God, did YOU hear me? are YOU giving me the challenge now before i meet him? why when get near to the date, the challenge more and more now? why are YOU so hardworking to think of the challenge for me? thank YOU so much, i'm not scare, but it's just hurt. i'm nothing when face it, just scare, scare it break our relationship, scare he can't stand for it, can YOU please take care of us? Even i'm tough, but i do will tired if everyday YOU give me the same problem all the days. Please YOU so much.
My dear, did you know? i do tell T.T every time argue, please do not cold to me, do not ignore me, that's feeling seem like die. i not yet die, how i know that die feeling? i don't know how to describe that feeling, it's just seem like lead me to die. I'm sorry, i'm stupid, i know you testing me just now, at last, i fail, i said it out T.T it so much regret, but no turn back. i don't know how, just the same, time to face it without you. don't know what to say, just felt want cry. haiz
FML :'(

2011年10月6日星期四

The words at bottom of my heart :')

Before, when people ask me, what is the most important thing in your life, i will tell friends then family then boyfriend. But now prove that first is boyfriend, family then only friends. For you, i can do everything that you want me to do. You always think that i got my friends then i will forget about you, i don't need you. But you are wrong, i take you as most important. Maybe you not understand me as well, or my stupid attitude make you can't feel that. I'm sorry.
Friends say that i have been changed, i told i'm not, but what i can tell is ' i'm not changed, just that i'm not live the way you want me to be anymore. For me, when i love you, i will do everything for you more then you expected. Don't be scare, but you are happiness when i love you.
I love you, so that i feel i do everything for you is worth, WAITING for your lover, is worth because you really love him. If you love him, you not willing to wait, maybe you are not really love him, because you can't wait, wait for your love you also can't do it, you don't have to qualification to tell that 'you love him'.
I'm not shy to say that i love you, i'm not shy to wait you even my friends keep ask me wake up from dream, tell me that you are not real or what. But for me, if i really love, i don't care what they say. I do what i feel i want to do just for my love. Yesterday in class, he ask me about you, i'm not tell him anything about you, because for me, if a friend not understand what i'm doing, i don't need to tell all about you. You not even support what i'm doing, what for still care what i'm doing? Bullshit!
You say you have long time not talk to me, not care about me. What i can tell is, when i need your care, just care me. 'Care' is not when you free only you do that to me, i can tell that is late! When i don't need your care anymore, what you do is just wasted. I'm sorry to tell that. You are late. You said you learn something from me, you know what is 'Dream Love' from me. Don't you think that you are teasing me that time? I'm so hurt that my friend tease me like that, i'm not stupid, just that i believe what i doing now is worth. Maybe all of you scare i wasting my time to wait for him, but i do tell " i will not do anything that will feel regret on it, and, what i did, i will never regret. Because it is worth for me to do it only i will continue be like that.
Got him, i get back my normal life, i'm not drunk because of waiting something that not worth, i do my job done everyday. I'm not wait until 3am or 4am to just want to chat with you after you free. For me, he can give me his time, he take his time to care about me. I know what i tell now is because i do love him very much now. For now, i'm very happy n happiness, that is enough for me, i don't care about other things. If want me to wake up next time, or he is not meet up with me, i also got my happy time with him before, sweet memories. Maybe it is hurt, but i do earn, i earn the happy time compare what you have give me, that tears accompany me everyday when you not be with me.
Friends, if you really love me, just be with me all the time, don't tease my boyfriend and me like that, it only show that you not understand ruby. If you understand me, you know i'm stubborn, why stop me to love him? To wait him? You know i'm stubborn right? So, if you really understand me, just support me when i happy with him, just be with me when he hurt me. This only call real friend. If you feel you can't do that, i'm sorry to tell you that, you still not qualify to be my real friend.