Challenge from GOD :'( its tough

Day 4 for argue, non-stop, no skip for one day. everyday also argue. also because of small matter, maybe for me is small matter, for him maybe is not, maybe i not understand his feeling as well, but i do my best to avoid this happen, but fail T.T

because of aunt, we argue. because of friends, we argue. what is the problem now? God, did YOU hear me? are YOU giving me the challenge now before i meet him? why when get near to the date, the challenge more and more now? why are YOU so hardworking to think of the challenge for me? thank YOU so much, i'm not scare, but it's just hurt. i'm nothing when face it, just scare, scare it break our relationship, scare he can't stand for it, can YOU please take care of us? Even i'm tough, but i do will tired if everyday YOU give me the same problem all the days. Please YOU so much.

My dear, did you know? i do tell T.T every time argue, please do not cold to me, do not ignore me, that's feeling seem like die. i not yet die, how i know that die feeling? i don't know how to describe that feeling, it's just seem like lead me to die. I'm sorry, i'm stupid, i know you testing me just now, at last, i fail, i said it out T.T it so much regret, but no turn back. i don't know how, just the same, time to face it without you. don't know what to say, just felt want cry. haiz

FML :'(

The words at bottom of my heart :')

Before, when people ask me, what is the most important thing in your life, i will tell friends then family then boyfriend. But now prove that first is boyfriend, family then only friends. For you, i can do everything that you want me to do. You always think that i got my friends then i will forget about you, i don't need you. But you are wrong, i take you as most important. Maybe you not understand me as well, or my stupid attitude make you can't feel that. I'm sorry.

Friends say that i have been changed, i told i'm not, but what i can tell is ' i'm not changed, just that i'm not live the way you want me to be anymore. For me, when i love you, i will do everything for you more then you expected. Don't be scare, but you are happiness when i love you.

I love you, so that i feel i do everything for you is worth, WAITING for your lover, is worth because you really love him. If you love him, you not willing to wait, maybe you are not really love him, because you can't wait, wait for your love you also can't do it, you don't have to qualification to tell that 'you love him'.

I'm not shy to say that i love you, i'm not shy to wait you even my friends keep ask me wake up from dream, tell me that you are not real or what. But for me, if i really love, i don't care what they say. I do what i feel i want to do just for my love. Yesterday in class, he ask me about you, i'm not tell him anything about you, because for me, if a friend not understand what i'm doing, i don't need to tell all about you. You not even support what i'm doing, what for still care what i'm doing? Bullshit!

You say you have long time not talk to me, not care about me. What i can tell is, when i need your care, just care me. 'Care' is not when you free only you do that to me, i can tell that is late! When i don't need your care anymore, what you do is just wasted. I'm sorry to tell that. You are late. You said you learn something from me, you know what is 'Dream Love' from me. Don't you think that you are teasing me that time? I'm so hurt that my friend tease me like that, i'm not stupid, just that i believe what i doing now is worth. Maybe all of you scare i wasting my time to wait for him, but i do tell " i will not do anything that will feel regret on it, and, what i did, i will never regret. Because it is worth for me to do it only i will continue be like that.

Got him, i get back my normal life, i'm not drunk because of waiting something that not worth, i do my job done everyday. I'm not wait until 3am or 4am to just want to chat with you after you free. For me, he can give me his time, he take his time to care about me. I know what i tell now is because i do love him very much now. For now, i'm very happy n happiness, that is enough for me, i don't care about other things. If want me to wake up next time, or he is not meet up with me, i also got my happy time with him before, sweet memories. Maybe it is hurt, but i do earn, i earn the happy time compare what you have give me, that tears accompany me everyday when you not be with me.

Friends, if you really love me, just be with me all the time, don't tease my boyfriend and me like that, it only show that you not understand ruby. If you understand me, you know i'm stubborn, why stop me to love him? To wait him? You know i'm stubborn right? So, if you really understand me, just support me when i happy with him, just be with me when he hurt me. This only call real friend. If you feel you can't do that, i'm sorry to tell you that, you still not qualify to be my real friend.

忘我..

十三天了,知道了这件事已经十三天了.可是在我脑海里,好像才刚发生.因为知道的那天,我根本没有选择相信,发生得突然,我也一直骗自己.虽然才那短短的两个星期,感觉已经很久了,因为不开心的日子过得特别慢.
其实在那之前,我也感觉到东西,因为跟他讲话的方式变了,也感觉到他开始受不了我的性格.每次都吵架,而她突然跟我认识,我也觉得很奇怪,真的很密,一点先兆都没有.完全想不到,在照片那留言,过后有个'赞'.原来她很开心他那样说,我却很难受.T.T 其实有点先兆了的,只是我自己没想太多.
那天看到她,以为没什么,过后上车,觉得有点不对劲,一直回想,他对人说的那番话,心很痛,看见他们在车对话,就像我们以前那样,心想,九成是真的了,很想哭,可是不能,死忍..T.T之后一直工作到不停,让自己没有时间想那么多.
最近看到她的状况,感觉有点东西,不知道发生了什么,也不敢问他,其实想要关心他,怕他觉得对我很陌生,还是没问出口.无论如何,请你过得快乐些,有事可以对朋友诉苦下,憋着并不好受.
最后祝福你幸福快乐.^^人人都说:男人哭了,是真的爱了,女人哭了,是真的放弃了.知道的那天到现在,我很想哭,却哭不出来,还没放弃?今天哭了,是放弃了吗?感觉没那么容易吧..

自我反省！！

最近，某些东西有了改变，关系很好似的。。不过只是我单方面的想法罢了，对方却相反。提出那个要求，觉得还不错，原来，自己还不够资格。延续了十二天，他做到了九天，听起来成绩还不错，不过想想，才刚开始，那么快就不能做到了承诺，有点想太多。。我选择了放弃这个承诺，因为每次被这个承诺背叛的时候，一直守候也只有白等。

昨天凌晨两点半回到家，都还没有收到信息，以为他还没有睡觉，赶快的上线找他聊天，原来，那时他已经睡了，我不知道，等到了三点半，顶不顺，就去睡了。

到了今天，原本想好好的聊聊，却被不懂被怎么样的感觉打消了我的念头，很想静静的自己反省，到底有什么问题。想不到T.T~~回想昨天他对我说的话，有心要我去吉打读书，看不过眼吗？不想我在家闷闷不乐吗？还是想要慢慢的忘了我？很想问，问不出口。逃避我不想要的答案！

某个朋友对我说，他什么都不在乎，所以什么都无所谓。可是他对我说的却不是那样。他其实有在乎，可是不觉得想说出口，因为他什么都不是。可是，如果你不说出口，人家懂吗？感受得到吗?

人人都说,不要为不在乎你的人流泪,我选择继续释放我的眼泪,因为,就那么一点点,我真的感觉到你的在乎..^.^

失望。。

这个部落格是我的，主角是我。当然也有我的男主角。最近换人了，好事？坏事？我也不知道。。
告白了，心里舒服多了，也大概知道他在想什么。。最近都闷闷不乐。。为了他的事。。是我多管闲事吧。
刚才和她玩了一个无聊的游戏，就是赌我今天不能找他聊天。一路来，太高估了我自己，也低估了他。我真的忍得到，可是就是一直偷偷看他几时下线，看他会不会找我聊天。果然。。他没有那么做，很失望吧。。原来，想回去，还真的每次都是我找他聊天，没试过他找我聊的。。他不懂跟我聊什么吧，话题少？不是啊！！可能都是我自己多话讲罢了。T.T
她有点自私，可能感觉到什么，赌了今天以后，还叫我继续以后都不找他，很难做到吧？为什么我要和你赌？就证明什么吗？很辛苦吧。。不习惯。。还好我聪明，没有答应她，不然就自己傻傻的想念咯。。
不喜欢今天的感觉，觉得自己很笨！！把这些当赌注？？因为自信心高？错了，当你有了答案，原来高估了自己，最后也就是自己伤心。。心情很复杂哦，觉得有点变态。。
以前的男主角都不懂我有写博客，可是这个懂叻。。不懂他会不会看。。看到这篇就糟糕，一定笑我笨。。不管了，总想记下来。记得我哪天当笨蛋。。>,<
晚安咯。。^^

分不清？ 总有答案吧！！

开始工作了，在家胡思乱想的时间减少了，开心吧？哈哈。


对朋友们说声对不起吧，怪错你们了，其实是我的问题吧？因为我放了朋友飞机，他不是很开心吧。原来你们都有同感。向你们道个歉吧。对不起。。。以后我会好好安排时间给你们的。


最近对某些事情分不清楚。是故意的吗？还是真的分不清？我也不知道。


很开心跟他走在一起，很轻松，很快乐。所以时间都觉得过得特别快。不知道为什么，这是所谓的喜欢吗？最近很多问题出现在我的身上，让我对这个疑问逐渐有了点答案。开始是知道这段开心的日子不能长久，心情不怎么好，这就所谓的在乎！


过后听到某些消息，原来他们那样想，过后当事人也有觉得那么一点点，我反问了我自己，应该是吧。离答案越来越近，我就开始担心。如果是真的，我会很害怕。因为这会让我的生活有些变动。。


果然，答案很明显了，跟他一起的时候，心跳加速了，这是以前没有的，过后会慢慢开始关心他的生活，对他的事很有好奇心。知道了关于他的，会开始在乎。


一路来大胆的我，确定了，当然就是行动咯。可惜很多东西让我觉得不是时候那样做。第一，如果真的做了，关系应该不如以前吧？因为我试过了，不想重复!第2就是无意间他给我一个弄到我没有信心的感觉，他对我说：你不要说你喜欢我啊？？！！这样你还会告白吗？相信你们都不会吧。说了过后应该会很伤心。第三就是，现在的他根本不可能那么快开始另一段新恋情。。
内心一直等待吧。。

心痛！！

最近心情都不好，很容易发脾气。其实都不是想那样，却控制不到自己。发脾气对谁都不好。忍得到的话就尽量吧。
昨天和良出去看戏。他来到我家门口时，阿姨刚出门。见到了他，对他说了一些不好听的话，不知道良听到没有。阿姨眼睛瞪着我，意思不喜欢我和他出街。阿姨对他印象一路来都不好，却从来没有改变过。以为我故意和他出街来气她罢了。其实真的没有。真的想要去看戏罢了。算了吧。
昨天阿姨去喝茶遇见了我的另一班朋友。她告诉我的时候，心情不怎么好。因为知道朋友出去喝茶竟然没有叫我。我不重要了吗？我不出去一点都没有影响吗？今天早上问了朋友，答案竟是：你每次都不能出的啦，费事多问。心痛的很，原来他们厌倦了我的拒绝。。。
伤心。。 无言了。对你们很失望。。T.T